Sunday, August 19, 2012

L'shem Shamayim

L. Newmark

I could win $10,000. I really could. All I have to do is put a ticket in the box. A ticket to the tune of $50. 2 hours of work down the drain. But the payoff will be so great.
And Hashem probably does want me to win. This is His way of giving me parnassa. I just have to do my hishtadlus. Anyway, tzedaka is a mitzvah.

Whoa. A custom sheitel. I have two already, but this would only be $35! That's like one tenth of the going cost. It's a bargain!

Nice. A leather sofa for $25. I can imagine it now. Perched in the corner of my living room, inviting me to curl up on its welcoming cushions with a good book. Yeah, that's calling my name.

And those seforim shelves! Every good Torah home needs proper shelves to make an honorable place for the seforim kedoshim. Hashem really does want me to have those. It's for a mitzvah!

Where should I place that hi-riser I KNOW I will win. I mean, I need to be machnis orchim, don't I? Would it fit better lengthwise next to the closet, or would it be better positioned under the window?

Wait, what's that? I didn't know they came out with a new Canon. I'm like 5 years behind. My camera can't zoom ten times. I really should get this one; it's practically free. My parents will just love seeing clearer images of their grandchildren.

Oh, if I spend $150, I get an extra $25 of tickets? I've always wanted to go to Switzerland. And this would be absolutely free. I'm not even spending any extra money. The kids would love to go there for Sukkos! They're going to be so excited!

That was exhausting, but worth it. Look how much I am going to get. And it's for a good cause.

Ah, they're announcing the winners. Hmm, the camera went to a young high school girl. Oh well, I didn't really need it anyway.

They announced the hi-riser already? But I didn't hear my name. Didn't I need it to be a better Jew? Maybe next year.

That's cute: the newlywed couple next door got the seforim shelves. That makes sense; they could use it more.

But that couch? That was supposed to be for me! I know, I know, it's because I'm going to win the grand prize that I'll be able to buy all these things myself. So I didn't get the sheitel. I understand. Yeah, that trip to Switzerland would have been a hassle...I'm ready for the grand prize to be announced.

And the winner is...the Goldsteins?! Why do THEY need the money? They have plenty of it already!

I just don't understand. I donated $150 to tzedaka. Where is my schar? I did this all l'shem shamayim... didn't I?


  1. Wait! Did you measure those shelves to see if they'd fit into your dining room? Seriously, a few years ago at the Hatzala party, a woman whipped out a measuring tape and actually measured the dining room table to see if it'll fit, if she should "put in" for that prize...

  2. I wouldn't label this as humor, personally. Maybe it's humorous, but it's not superficial. It's mussar wrapped up in humor. More of an op-ed kind of thing? I don't know....

    1. Yes, I thought so too, but it sure was a good sharp look at ourselves. Compliments to you on a great piece!